Speaking of crabs, I have two disgusting stories about pubic lice, so if you're eating, save this one for later. Strangely, these two stories, though they take place in very different times and locations, were related to me by a husband and his wife.
The first story involves the husband, Jerry, who used to be in the Navy. For a time he was stationed somewhere in Southeast Asia. I'm not exactly sure where, or when. All I remember is that the prostitutes used to say "Love you no shit Joe."
So anyway, he was out with his buddies on leave once, and this one friend of his met up with this extra-skanky hooker. The other guys were telling him they didn't think it was a good idea but of course he got drunk and left with her anyway.
The next day when he showed back up all nice and sober, he tried to deny that anything had happened. Which may have worked, except they all saw a crab crawling in his moustache.
Next, Jerry's wife was out with the girls at some male strip club somewhere (I think it was the Viewpoint). They were in the front row, enjoying the fact that some strange man was thrusting his package at them repetitively (I like going to female strip clubs with G, but can't imagine myself not laughing at male strippers, I'm sorry). Then, suddenly, Jerry's wife (I believe it was her, anyway, but it could have been her friends, and anyway, does it really matter, Sarah?) feels this sharp burning pain in her eye. This pain lasted through the night and the next day her eye was red and swollen, like she had conjunctivitis. Of course she went to the doctor, who found a...you bet...CRAB in her eye!!!!
Jerry also related several stories of freak deaths on the aircraft carrier he was on, I will relate these at a later date.
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