Labor Day Shenanigans

My Labor Day weekend was divided into three very separate parts:

G returned from the Philippines a week ago with a nasty case of Bird Flu (or something similar, anyway), so all week he has been sleeping a lot and hacking up loogies the size of baseballs. Finally on Saturday I asked him gingerly if he wanted to go for a drive, just to get out of the house. Luckily he said yes, because this was the start of a wonderfully active weekend!

We drove out to Mosier in the gorge, which is about an hour east of Portland, and decided to go for a hike in the Twin Tunnels. One of the tunnels used to be part of the Historic Columbia River Gorge Highway, but due to the road being narrow and a lack of funds to upkeep it, they turned sections into easy day hikes. Some of the highway is still in use, but kind of peters out once you pass Cascade Locks.

The hike is 4.5 miles, and for the most part is pretty flat, with a very nice paved path which used to be the highway. So it was easy going. The important thing to note is that we started out at about six p.m., and dusk falls around eight. Also, the tunnels have a gate on them.

So we’re walking along, and it’s starting to get dark, but we keep on. With about a mile to go, we meet up with what G originally mistook for a deer or some other animal, because all we saw was this brown thing moving in the bushes. As we neared, we saw it was a woman with a huge gypsy skirt on. She had two small children with her, and appeared to be climbing into the bushes. There was a loud crashing in the bushes (there is a pretty steep embankment covered with trees), then a guy came out onto the road carrying a jogging stroller. I asked, “Did you just climb up?” and they shook their heads; apparently one of the children had decided to pilot the stroller over the edge and down the embankment. Luckily his brother wasn’t riding shotgun.

After exchanging pleasantries, we continued on, reaching the other end of the trail at nautical twilight (the twilight where the sky and the sea look the same, if you didn’t know). It had taken us an hour and a half to walk 4.5 miles, so yep, you guessed it, it got pitch dark as we were walking back. About three miles in, we entertained the very scary thought that perhaps the tunnel gate would be locked. I said I was probably going to sit down and cry for a few minutes at the gate if that was the case (I like to warn G of these things in advance), because my feet were beginning to feel like they had when we’d hiked 11 miles into Haleakala on Maui last year. Fortunately, it wasn’t locked. And it was pleasant seeing the Milky Way, a nice bonus.

We made it back to the car finally, after thinking every leaf falling in the dark forest was a cougar, and promptly went out to eat and then for drinks once we got back to Portland.

On Sunday, we went shooting up near Banks with three of G’s friends, Memo, Nick, and Gaffi. Memo and I both have Romanian-made AK47s, and Nick and Gaffi both have AR15s. G has a shotgun that I got him for Christmas.

So we pulled up to this disused rock quarry that is set aside specifically for shooting in this place called Brown’s Camp, which seems to be a haven for AVers and Meth heads alike (sometimes a little of both). We rolled up in two SUVs and came out with assault rifles, and started plugging away on clay pigeons, feeling like hot shit because the other people there only had .22s and pellet guns.

We weren’t hot shit for long, though, because soon rolls up a caravan of Mexican immigrants. Their duds were nice and their vehicles were top of the line, and I’m not saying anything, but you kind of got the feeling they might have been illegal drug traffickers, if you know what I mean (even their women looked like stereotypical drug hoochies). Not to say that all or very many Mexicans are into that, or are illegal aliens (I have known lots of upstanding Mexicans). But these felt like a crime operation. Especially since they had AKs and such too – but these were fully automatic. It’s easy to modify your AK to make it automatic, I’ve heard, but it’s also prison time. Add this to the fact that these were at best recent citizens of the US and you can imagine it’s a little interesting that they have automatic weapons. So we were very nice to them.

The sheriffs finally caught on to the fact that they were hearing spurts of firings, and quickly camped out at the shooting range. They didn’t mess with the Mexicans, who left totally outgunned them, and who left shortly thereafter. Memo took a picture of me with my AK, so as soon as he sends it, I’ll post it.

We once again ended up having drinks, then crashing out at my house with the cats and a bottle of wine.

On Sunday all the togetherness was taking its toll, but we gamely went to OMSI to see the BodyWorlds exhibit (the one where they have plasticized human cadavers arranged in interesting and artistic shapes, most of them skinless), then went driving around SE Portland. I finally saw Ladd’s Addition, a wonderful neighborhood, and we stopped at Tennessee Red’s for some southern BBQ. Then, the weekend ended on a mellow note with us sitting on the couch side by side using our laptops.